Yesterday morning, I rammed my bicycle into the front passenger side of a silver Mercedes Benz, which had taken a left turn in front of me (failing to yield). I had a nice soft landing on the hood of the Benz, complete with a
Springsteen-style knee-slide (sans celebration).
The bicycle, however, was less fortunate, and though it succeeded in putting a little dent in the body of the Benz, both the main tubes of the steel bike wrinkled on the impact. I took it to
CityBikes later, and the mechanics started getting emotional at the loss of such a fine and noble
lugged steel frame bike, and then I started getting emotional, and then the mechanics began the write-up of what they called a "death certificate." *sob*
This was the fifth bike I've ridden in as many years. Not a good record, I acknowledge. No bike, I imagine, would want to be the next I choose. But for any bikes considering the job, I draw your attention to the parallels between my bike ownership, and Henry VIII's experience as a husband:
Henry VIII:
- Catherine of Aragon: DIVORCED (Couldn't provide a male heir)
- Anne Boleyn: BEHEADED (Ditto)
- Jane Seymour: DIED (Provided a male heir... but she was a sickly one)
- Anne of Cleves: DIVORCED (Marriage became inconvenient)
- Kathryn Howard: BEHEADED (Messing around all over town)
- Katherine Parr: SURVIVED (Four years of happy marriage before Henry ate it)
Me:
- The Green Giant: DIVORCED (Gave it away.... it barely worked)
- Zephyr: BEHEADED (Rode it into the ground.... then took it apart)
- The White Waif: DIED (It was always a sickly piece of machinery)
- Red Dragon: DIVORCED (I was moving to DC, it stayed Boston, we split up)
- Red Deamon: BEHEADED (Executed at the hand of a cruel Mercedes)
- ...?
I look forward to a long, happy marriage with my next bicycle. Coming soon...
UPDATE: Thanks to brother George, who corrected my British royal history: Henry divorced Anne of Cleves not because it was "inconvenient," but rather because "she looked like the back of a bus."
