2008 Roundup: The Year in Festive Verse

‘Tis the night before Christmas and DC is away
Or lounging in bed, or perhaps led astray
The news has gone quiet and journos are napping
After quite a long year of political happ’ning
And heck, they’ve all earned it, so I’ll take a crack
At recapping the year with a rhyming look back

Concord, New Hampshire, and Reno, and Ames
A year back began our electoral games
And that was the end of John Edwards and Biden
(Or so we thought then! ‘Twas just 8 months of hidin’)
Bill Richardson also then bowed out with grace
As did Rudy and Fred from the opposite race

On a real super Tuesday, McCain mopped the floor
With his weaker opponents, who soon saw the door
And in the left corner, we were left with just two
Democratic contenders, in a Senate who’s who
There was Barack Obama—young, black, and cool
Who could give a mean speech—his most evident tool
And then Hillary Clinton, of first lady fame
A force in the Senate, and an ace at the game

Barack barnstormed Iowa, and though dared not brag
He looked good in New Hampshire—it was all in the bag
But Clinton held strong, put her campaign in gear
Gave an impassioned speech and—wait—was that a tear?
It’s hard to say now, but the outcome was decisive
And they continued campaigning in a race quite divisive
Of Reverends and fist daps and American identity
Our once-civil quarrels now laced with obscenity

They battled for months, until one day in June
It was suddenly over, not a moment too soon
Obama had clinched it, a real upset win
With a campaign quite free of both malice and sin
Then hit July, and with smiling elation
We all read a novel and went on vacation

Olympics in August kept us glued to the telly
The Michael Phelps gold rush turned insides to jelly
Brown air aside, we admired Beijing
Where athletes faced off and did battle for bling
Saint Paul and Denver fended off the attacks
Of hoards of political junkies and hacks
The endless campaign approached final conclusion
As the Veepstakes at last yielded full-ticket fusion

Joe Biden was swell, a real old-fashioned mensch
And Palin, well, we’ll just say was a wrench
First in Barack’s campaign, and then in her own
As she proved to be more than excessively prone
To non-answers, half-answers and full-blown live gaffes
Summoning cringes, and head-slaps and too many laughs
The campaign’s sad attempts to make blunders less big
Were like trying to put lipstick on an unwilling pig

In debates we heard all about mavericks, my friend
As ec’nomic signals began to portend
Of a hyper-grade meltdown to ruin us all
And the banks soon had all of their backs to the wall
As Lehman neared death, Paulson refused them bail
AIG, it turned out, was much too big to fail
And with crisis still rising the red team got dumber:
Based their whole fiscal plan on Joe/Sam the not-plumber

Riding high on his promise of change and of hope
Barack pulled ahead, looking ready to cope
With whatever foul chance fate should throw his direction
The American people preferred his protection
And on November fourth, took an historic leap
Of such powerful force it made stolid men weep

Since then we’ve been basking in electoral glow
And saying goodbye all our earned dough
Our stocks and our bonds continue to sink
GM and Chrysler are now on the brink
In Iraq, shoes are flying; here we’ve got Blago
The lord of the darkness in seamy Chicago
So we’re distracted with stories about Caroline Kennedy
And Colmes’s depression over breakup with Hannity

But here comes ’09, ripe with fresh opportunity
A time for community and national unity
And from K Street to Petworth to far Kalorama
Everyone’s eyes follow Barack Obama
Hopes ride on Barack, and he’s got quite a task
So I won’t request much, just one small Christmas ask:
Our country is busted! Make everything right!
Now, Merry Christmas to you, and to you, a good night

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night

Cross-posted at NDN.